Miracle Drug

I had the first treatment of Remicade yesterday. Overall it went well, as well as can be expected. The nurses and staff at the infusion center are very lovely people and made my infusion as comfortable as possible. The nurse got the IV in place the first try !! Which is a miracle in itself. My poor veins don't tolerate needles as well anymore. Before the Remicade was infused, I was given a 50ml bag of Benadryl through the IV to suppress any allergic reactions that I might have to the Remicade. After the Benadryl bag was done, the Remicade drip was started. For my first infusion, the Remicade was set to drip over a 3 hour period just to make sure my body could handle the drug. My body tolerated the drug without any major complication. My blood pressure dropped a little bit below the normal range, but my blood pressure is naturally low so it wasn't to much of a concern. As far as the side effects, I am feeling very weak and tired today and have a bad head ache. No nausea or vomiting, just more of a loss of appetite owing to the fatigue.

While the Remicade was infusing I kicked back in the rocking chair and cuddled up with a blanket. It's always cold in doctors' offices. My mom accompanied me to the treatment and rocked along side me with a quiet strength as she whispered prayers to God upon my behalf. I read a book until the Benadryl made my eyes cross and I couldn't focus. After that, I just listened to music on my ipod and closed my eyes to rest.

Dr. Randall came in to visit me during the infusion and gave me some basic instructions to keep tract of all symptoms and side effects I am feeling. He told me that the Remicade will start to show some signs of relief, but he said that the relief will be brief and wear out before the next infusion in 2 weeks. Dr. Randall encouraged me that the drug will work but we just have to give it time. So for now we wait.

Today's song is Miracle Drug by U2. For obvious reasons I chose this song. Deep down inside I pray that one day science and research will find a cure of RA. But for now, I put my hope in the medicines that are available.

"Of science and the human heart

There is no limit

There is no failure here sweetheart

Just when you quit...

I am you and you are mine

Love makes no sense of space

And time...will disappear

Love and logic keep us clear

Reason is on our side, love...

The songs are in your eyes

I see them when you smile

I've had enough of romantic love

I'd give it up, yeah, I'd give it up

For a miracle, a miracle drug, a miracle drug

God I need your help tonight

Beneath the noise

Below the din

I hear your voice

It's whispering

In science and in medicine

"I was a stranger

You took me in"

The songs are in your eyes

I see them when you smile

I've had enough of romantic love

Yeah, I'd give it up, yeah, I'd give it up

For a miracle, miracle drug"

Hit the Road Jack

Finally ! The 3 week long health insurance battle is over (for the time being). The Remicade treatments have been approved. My first infusion will be this Thursday the 23rd at 2 p.m. The treatments are given in the infusion center which is located in my Rheumatologist office at Sadler Clinic in the Woodlands. It's a big comfort to me that Dr. Randall will always be right there during the treatments just in case something were to happen.

So today I have sprung into pre-treatment mode. I went to Target and bought lots of Clorox wipes, Lysol, antibacterial soaps, and hand sanitizer. Its important that germs are kept to a minimum after treatments. My immune system will be suppressed and my body will be susceptible to viral and bacterial infections. I also stocked up on tooth brushes and purchased new bath stuff. Germs live EVERYWHERE ! So at the slightest sniffle or cough everything must be thrown away and exchanged for new. The pantry is now full of different soups and Gatorade. With side effects unknown and varying with each patient, I am prepared for the worst. But hopefully the nausea and fatigue won't last more than a few days after treatment.

Today's song is dedicated to all the germs out there. "Germs ya betta watch your back cuz I'm comin' for ya with Lysol in both hands !!" So take Mr. Ray Charles' advice and.......

"Hit the road Jack

And don't cha come back

No more, no more, no more, no more.

Hit the road Jack

And don't cha come back no more!!"

Fighter

For the past 3 years I have been blessed by God that the Rheumatoid Arthritis has been in a remission state. During the past few years of remission I was able to maintain symptoms and pain of the RA with herbal supplements and an all organic diet. The remission stirred hope inside my spirit. I felt that maybe my life wouldn't just be filled with bad days. I started to dream of my future and all the things I wanted to accomplish and I gained confidence that I would see those dreams come to past. I was finally able to smile and laugh. I never once took a day in remission for granted because in the back of my mind I knew that someday it would end.

In July of 08 both of my hands started showing signs of carpel tunnel and before you know it I was lying on a operating table having hand surgery. The first surgery in July 08 and the second in Feb 09. Unlike others who bounce back from carpel tunnel surgery within a few weeks, the surgeries left me unable to move without severe pain. I found myself on a good day walking with a cane. The immune response of the RA had started again and I knew that the remission was coming to an end. It was three months before I regained full use of each hand after surgery. But I can finally feel all ten fingers again. What a blessing.

Since the hand surgeries my body has not been the same. To confirm my suspicions last week I had an appointment with my Rheumatologist. And I am now facing the reality that the Rheumatoid Arthritis is no longer in remission. Now in full active disease, the pain is worsening by the day and fatigue has set in. Frustration is now a big part of my day as I am loosing the ability to do normal everyday tasks. And I would be lying if I said that it hasn't taken a toll on my spirit and the hope I had once found.

The doctors have determined that the best course of treatment for me at this point is to start back on a biologic infusion drug called Remicade. It is administered through IV infusion over a 3 hour period. The drug is harsh and has lots of scary side effect much like a chemo therapy. But this is where I'm at and the treatment is necessary to stop the constant inflammation, pain and the possible destruction of my joints.

So now its time to fight. Its time to find an inner strength that only God himself can give. The boxing gloves are on and the bell has sounded. With God going before me and with my family and friends at my side I will fight. I will fight and when I can no longer fight, God and those by my side will uphold me, protect me like a shield and throw a few punches on my behalf...... "DING" round one has begun.

Today's song is Fighter by The Red Airplanes. This song has become like an anthem to me over the past few months.

"There's a fighter in me, there's a fighter in me.

No worries or problems holding on to me, there's a fighter in me.

There's a fighter in you, there's a fighter in you.

Look to your inside you'll know what to do, there's a fighter in you.

There's a fighter in me, there's a fighter in me.

No worries or problems holding on to me

Sickness, disease, darkness, strong holds must flee

I've thrown out my limits you better believe.

There's a fighter in me

There's a fighter in ME."

You Don't Know Me

Hello blogging world.

I should probably start out by introducing myself. So.. HI ! My name is Courtney. I am 22 yrs old and will be attending the University of Texas Medical Branch in Galveston in the fall to complete my Bachelor's of Science in Nursing. I am also studying Spanish and love the hispanic culture, its beautiful places and its people. (Let that be the disclaimer for all the Spanish I use in my blogs.) I also serve as an ambassador for the Children's Foundation and it's orphanage La Casa Hogar Los Angelitos in Manzanillo, Mexico.

I decided to start blogging so that I could expose a side of me that most never see. At the age of 15 I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis (RA). RA is an autoimmune disease in which the body's own immune system destroys the joints because of a failure to recognize self from non-self or in simpler terms the good from the bad. This failure of recognition leads to destruction of the synovium linning, cartilage, and bone of the joints. The disease manifests itself in symptoms of inflammation, swelling, redness, heat, stiffness, loss of function, and most of all...PAIN. When I tell people of my disease the typical response is, "but you are to young to have arthritis ?!?" The most misunderstood concept of RA is that it is not an "old person" disease and is not related to the inevitable wear on the body due to time and use. RA is an autoimmune disease that can effect people of all ages.

Enough with the medical journal.... Starting this blog has given me an outlet to share my story. To give others a glimpse of what life is like through my eyes or better yet my body. To this day so many others with RA suffer in silence in a world where the only thing that is curtain is pain.

If you know the least bit about me, you know that music is a big part of my life. Always has been and forever will be. I am a singer and musician. I love almost all genres, some more than others. To me, music has the ability to portray an emotion from within that can not be expressed through any other form or outlet. Music has the power to touch, love, hurt, heal, comfort, empower, relate, uplift, or enlighten. The strike of one note is all it takes. I often get teased by family and friends for my ability to remember songs and lyrics and to recall those songs when a curtain word is said or when in a particular place. So I thought I would turn that ability into the theme for my blog. So every blog will be titled and inspired by a song that portrays my thoughts, emotions, and events of the day..... This is me, breaking the silence of suffering and replacing it with the sound of music.

I thought I would start off my first blog with one of my favorite artist Harry Connick Jr. and the song You Don't Know Me. Why this song ??....Well simply because you don't know me, not yet at least.

"You give your hand to me,

Then you said hello,

I can hardly speak,

My heart is beating so.

And anyone can tell

You think you know me well

But you don't know me."