One of my fears has come true. I called in to Dr. Johnson's office yesterday to give him a report on my progress since the third and increased dose of Remicade. And after three doses my body has not responded to the drug and in fact the severity of my rheumatoid arthritis has rapidly increased. Dr. Johnson has labeled the treatment a failure.
The past two weeks have been very difficult for me with a peak this past weekend. I acquired a bad cold last Monday which initiated an immune response and joint flare throughout my entire body. And to make things worse a cold front brought in by a few days of rain escalated the flare and I found myself unable to get out of bed without assistance. I could only walk a short distance with the help of a cane. And I was trapped on the first floor of my home because I could not climb up the stairs to my bedroom nor get down the stairs to get out of the house. No medication I took neither prescription or over the counter even took the edge off the pain I was experiencing. When I called my parents on Friday night they rushed from Houston to Galveston to take care of me. I have the greatest parents in the world and I am eternally in their debt for all they have done and continue to do for me. My cold has subsided with only a little congestion lingering. I wish I could say the same for the pain.
My constant everyday pain has also increased. I have come accustom to constant pain I feel on a daily bases. But this constant pain is becoming intolerable. It is exhausting. I have total body flares almost every night making a restful night sleep impossible. Dr. Johnson has decided on a plan B. The next treatment phase will be a drug called Cimzia. Cimzia was created for the treatment of another autoimmune inflammatory disease called Crohn's disease. Although I don't have Crohn's, Cimzia has shown some promise for the treatment of RA in patients who have not responded to the conventional RA treatments. Cimzia is an injectable drug I will have to give myself. I will take the first dose, followed by another 2 weeks later, then another 4 weeks later, and then every 4 weeks after that. All things considering how my body reacts to the drug's benefits and side effects. The side effects are that of any other immunosuppressant therapy treatment with an emphasis on an increased risk for infection. But there are some other vary serious side effects to this drug concerning the heart, nervous system, problems related to the blood and immune systems. And my risk for developing cancer, lymphoma namely, is about 10 fold compared to that of a healthy person. And this risk is increased by the therapies that suppress my body's ability to fight against the cancer cells that naturally dwell within all of us. As you can see by these statements above, my fears are relevant and real.
Today's song is Shadowfeet by Brooke Fraser. This song directly reflects the my current situation. Shadowfeet speaks of the change that occurs within a person when facing a difficult time or circumstance. Its seems like lately that my world is being pulled out from under me. The RA has now affected every possible area of my life and its discouraging. But when I listen to this song I have this image in my mind of me standing in mid air with my hands raised towards God, and underneath me on the distant ground is all my pain, struggles, hopelessness and fear. Although the treatment was a failure, I am not a failure. God has the power to make all things new. And even though my world is falling out from under me; still I will be found in You, I'M STILL STANDING.
"Walking, stumbling on these shadowfeet
Towards home, a land that I've never seen.
I am changing: less and less asleep
Made of different stuff than when I began.
I've sensed it all along
Fast approaching is the day...
When the world is falling out from under me
I'll be found in You, still standing.
And when the sky roles up and mountains fall on their knees
When time and space are through
I'll be found in You.
There's distractions buzzing in my head
Saying 'In the shadows it's easier to stay.'
But I've heard rumors of true reality
That whispers of a well-lit way.
You make all things new.
You make ALL things new.
When the world is falling out from under me
I'll be found in You, still standing.
Every fear and accusation under my feet
When time and space are through
I'll be found in You."
