Well I've been on the Methotrexate chemo treatments for one month now. And still no improvement. So far the side effects of the treatments haven't been bad. I have gotten a few ulcers in my mouth and usually feel fatigued afterwards. I am doing the chemo every Friday evening. So I move a little slower throughout the weekend and into Mondays. No noticeable hair loss which is good. My biggest complaint is the lack of a positive result. Still no relief. I can't believe that it's been a year since I started on this quest to find a suitable treatment to help me battle the RA. It has been a year of pain and restlessness; false hope followed by failure, sleepless nights and frustration; fear and fight. It's been a year of lots of needle sticks, IV starts, x-rays, MRIs, and medications. Not to mention all of this while in nursing school. I look back and wonder sometimes how in the world am I still standing? How? Only God himself can answer that because if I had to do it on my own, I wouldn't have made it more than a few miles pass the starting line.
Today's song is Pass Me Over by Anthony Hamilton. Lately sleep has been a challenge. And without the help of medication it is nearly impossible. Instead of a place where I can lay down and rest my tired bones, my bed has been more like a nightmare. I toss and turn praying that any minute now I will fall asleep to end another day and dream of a place without the worries that surround me. This song by Anthony Hamilton helps me make it through rough nights like tonight. Some nights I find myself praying the lyrics of this song in hopes that all the bad things, all the pain, worry and frustration would some how pass me over for a change. For once just leave me be! Leave me be so I can sleep and dream. Leave me be so I can finally feel something besides pain. Leave me be to feel the resting presence of a gentle God again. So all pain and worry, please pass me over. Pass me over till my Saviour comes.
"Another day
Chance to make another chance
A fragile place, running on empty
A smile so faint, barely even breaks the space
World’s on shoulders now
Don’t be afraid
He who knows will make a way
His word alone is what has kept me
Born the Son, King of eternal peace
Lay your burdens down
If you catch me dreaming
Please don’t wake me till I'm done
Just leave me sleeping until the morning comes
Just pass me over
Make believe that I'm not there
Just leave me be
Until the Savior comes
Another night
Makes a way to the morn
Sleep in peace, joy come early
A covered child, steps away victorious
Salvation holds joy for all of us
If you catch me dreaming
Please don’t wake me till I'm done
Just leave me sleeping until the morning comes
Just pass me over
Make believe that I'm not there
Just leave me be
Until the Savior comes
Pass me over
Pass me over
Pass me over, till the Savior comes"
