I Am But He Is

I finally got approval for the Cimzia treatment after a month long fight with my health insurance company. And to make matters worse the insurance will only cover the treatment if it is administered in my rheumatologist office. So now I have to drive a hour and a half from the island to the Woodlands to get each injection treatment. I am very anxious about starting the new drug. After having so many failed treatments it's hard to be optimistic. But I try to be strong and have faith if not for myself then for my family. My first treatment will be this Thursday the 12th at 9a.m. I will write again after the treatment for an update.

Even from a young age writing has always been an outlet for me. It is another creative way to express what's on the inside of me. And I would like to think that I am some what good at it. I use to write quite a bit actually and have had some of my works printed in school literature magazines and even been recognized on the college level for the ability to put my creativity into words and on paper. My parents have always loved to read my writings and I loved to write for them. In fact my Mom has kept several of my old works. And she carries them with her folded up in her purse as a reminder of me. A reminder of my struggles, triumphs, and emotions. A reminder to whisper a prayer up to heaven on my behalf. And a reminder of the love and faithfulness God so willingly gives. So today I am breaking my blog rule. I made the rules so I can break them. Today I am sharing with you a piece of me, a poem that I wrote my sophomore year of high school 2003. My poem is a simile of my experiences with pain and with God. Hope you enjoy.

I Am But He Is

My disease is a thunderstorm

a down pour of hardship.

The pain is a broken glass

so sharp, so shattering.

My days are staircases,

taking each day step by step.

My night is a basement

so dark, so quiet, so alone.

BUT

God is the wind

I can't see Him, but I can feel Him.

He is the glue

that puts my broken pieces back together again.

The stair rail is my faith,

my support.

My God is my light,

pushing back the darkness

so that my eyes will be open to see,

My Future, My Destiny.